The Duke of Numbnuts and Listing

Unsensible Manly Things


I wanted to write about manly things, but what could be more manly than high speed automobile jumps on your average stretch of I-675? 

Seems the Dukes of Hazard County have moved up to Sugarcreek Township around Dayton. Or a least their half-wit cousin, Numbnuts, has.

Get a load of the video: http://www.wired.com/autopia/2010/08/video-insane-100-mph-crash-caught-on-tape/

The 19-year old genius decided he needed to pass a police car at 100 miles an hour and the grassy median between highways was the perfect place for it. The dashboard camera of the cruiser caught the action as Numbnuts shot past him, used the metal crash barrier as a ramp and catapulted himself and his car up and into a bridge support.     Eee-haw!! Ride 'em cowboy!!

I have been known to state the gene pool needs a little natural chlorination. If you don’t believe me, watch the video again. All we can hope is he left a little highly specialized tissue in the wrecked car and is now out of the procreation lottery. I understand he survived in critical condition. I’m sure someone loves him, but…..



Sensible Manly Things

I have a friend who had list of things he thinks every man should be able to do with some degree of ability. As I remember them and in no particular order they were:

Ride a horse;

Build a fire;

Shoot a gun and hit your target;

Pitch a tent without instructions;

Read a map (I think he meant topographic and not road.);

Sharpen a knife.



Looking at the current crop of young men around me, I have to wonder if their list might be:

Change or recharge batteries in an ipod/pad/phone thingie;

Drive a shift stick;

Open a beer bottle without an opener;

Golf just over par;

Make reservations.


That’s my list drawn from my interactions with them. I’m sure their list isn’t quite so vacuous.



My list from my younger days was:

Darn socks and stitch a button on;

Sharpen a knife;

Build a fire;

Cook a simple meal more or less from scratch (No TV dinners—Do they even make them any more?)

Change a flat;

Put a bit on a horse.

I asked my wife to name 3-5 things she thinks any man should be able to do. I think I caught her off guard. After sputtering a bit she came up with three:

Drive a car;

Cook a subsistence meal (no peanut butter and fried banana sandwiches, men!);

Operate a computer.

Seems modern woman has lower expectation levels than I would have thought.

With time comes maturity or at least some kind of an excuse for it. My basic list now is:

Keep a knife sharp;

Stitch a button;

Drive a stick shift with a clutch;

Build a fire;

Cook a simple meal for two;

Know which target needs to be shot and when.


Of course this is all minimum listing and just a little sexist. Everyone should be able to change a tire or diaper, gas up a car, fill the washer reservoir and burp a baby. I used to say change plugs, replace hoses and belts, but every time I stick my head under the hood my brain spins.

I don’t know about darning socks, but everyone should be able to fix a button, repair a hem or a small rip. This doesn’t seem too unreasonable. Preparing food seems like such a useful skill, but I know people who couldn’t grill a steak or bake a potato if their life depended on it.

You should be able to balance a checkbook, clean a bathroom or a fish (your choice) and paint a wall.

All these lists deal with survival at some level. There also seems to be a note of caution that more primitive skills could be called upon. Maybe I should add knap flint and shoot a sling-shot.


What’s your list? I’ll publish it.