People Watch

I had a chance to watch at people at a gun show. I was busy at my knife table, but I took a little time to watch people. Despite the business of selling pocket knives, I’m not really a good observer of the public, but three people caught interest.

It was his badge that caught my attention. It was hand lettered and had his name and the title “Captain.” Being hand lettered, it wasn’t official and he had that retired look. He kinda reminded me of Hank Hill’s father on “King of the Hill”. I wanted to ask him captain of what?

Police?

Fire?

Military?

Salvation Army?

Charter boat?

Or just self appointed?

I never got a chance to ask him. He buzzed by on some important mission and I never saw him again.

The next two guys who stopped by later were quite a team. The gun show must have been their Saturday entertainment. It would not surprise me to discover their wives open the door on Saturday morning, plant a foot on their backside and with a sharp push tell’em “Don’t come back before dark!” This of course is followed by the door shaming shut and the sound of several dead bolts clicking into place.

The two of them open and closed and reopen every knife on the table while asking the other “You like this one?” They’ll ask the price, which they pass back and forth misquoting it and attaching it to the more expensive knife while their monologs occasional collide on some mutual point of interest.

If it appears you’ve drawn too fine a bead on one the other will ask “What’s steel is this?” I, of course, try to keep up with the conversation while correcting the price and determine the steel. For variety they season the mix with “What country is that from?” While this is going on they convey the sense they are going to make a purchase, if they find the right knife. They never find the right knife. My wife watches them like a hawk!

One of their favorite ploys is to ask if you’ll trade knives with them. Most of the time they will offer you an older or discontinued Spyderco or Cold Steel in exchange towards something else. Some times it’s a real stinkeroo! In fairness, the knives they offer to swap are always in excellent condition with factory edges.

I use to feel sorry for these guys. They clearly are in the retirement age range, they dress like ordinary Joes and seem to be careful with the bucks. I use to suspect they had limited funds and were liquidating previously purchased knives to have the chance to own a newer and out-of-reach expensive knife. At lease I did until one of them showed me his Spyderco Rock Lobster which retails over $300.00!

I hadn’t seen them in a while so I asked how they were and commented they haven’t been around for a while. One lipped off that his buddy just got out of jail. In retrospective, their knife table manner reminds me of the bill changing confidence scam. You ask for change for a hundred and keep changing the denominations and passing money back and forth until the mark gives you change for $120.

Maybe his buddy was telling the truth.


Let’s not even talk about the older woman in the micro mini-dress, fishnet stocking three inch stiletto heels and her escort who thinks he’s George Custer! You’ll have to experience that for yourself!