BLADE Show Count Down

It’s the day before the Blade Show (June 4^th) and frankly it was an interesting trip.

Last night we stayed in Richmond at my niece’s college apartment.  She can’t move in yet because she has a gig at a golf course in Akron, Ohio.  The landlords around her university (EKU) have 12 month leases so most of the rentals are empty, but leased.  That gave us a place to flop. 

This first floor of the apartment.  The two bedrooms are up a long winding stair case, still it's a nice palce.

Her stuff is largely moved in but unpacked.   So we had to make the bed and it was just one step above cutting wood to length.  Still, it saved us a nice hunk of change and it’s a very nice place, especially considering it’s student housing.

We left a little something so my niece will rememeber us when she moves in.

We didn’t hit any traffic until we got about 2 miles from our exit.  One of those informational signs informed us an accident on a ramp between our expressway and another had tied everything up.  Informative, yes, but ultimately useless.  It might have just told us we were fire trucked.  (Clue, cross out the right letters for our true condition.)

Anyway, with the help of the GPS we found our way to the Hampton Inn.  It’s one of the nicest rooms I’ve stayed in, including the Piccadilly Hotel in London.

I want to check the convention center out and then it’s off to Ted’s Montana Grill for supper.

Normally the Blade Show does both Blade University and free seminars.  The university deals more with running a business, grass roots efforts to assure knife rights, and such.  The free seminars, which I really enjoyed, dealt with how to field sharpen your knife with anything, best sharpening practices, DIY knife photography, etc.

That’s all gone.  Everything is a pay-to-watch Blade University programs.  For example, a perfect subject for the free seminars would be what to look for in a knife, now its $20.

There will still be the cutting contest and other demos in the courtyard, but it’s only a matter of time before they disappear.

Oh, the reason given for the abolishing the free seminars?  To pay the big knife makers who are giving the courses.  I don’t know if I believe that.  After all, next to the Blade Show this is the biggest knife show in the country.  They would be here anyway.

Schrade Color Shift

There was a car called the Crocodile, so the old vaudeville joke went.  It was touted to have Detroit’s newest safety device.  One side was painted blue and the other red.

What’s so safe about that?  You ask.

Well, in itself nothing, but if you were in accident it sure left the witnesses with conflicting statements. 

I did think it was funny the first time I read it, but I was 12 at the time.  Since then I have seen color shifting paint.  The most impressive were gun safes at the SHOT Show.  The colors shifted from red to blue as you walked by them.  It was very impressive.

Yes, the handle looks black, but note the waffle-like depressions

Schrade has released a color shifting knife with the imaginative name of Color Shift.  I got one so let’s take a look at it.  And despite my first thoughts that’s this is really cheesy, it does change between reddish purple and greenish blue.  I even got a flash of gold once, but I have never been able to reproduce that relationship between eye/knife and illumination source.
  
The 2.9 inch drop point blade is made of 8cr13MoV steel from Ahonest Changjiang steel in China.  This is a high carbon steel similar to AUS8 made by Aichi Steel Corp of Japan. 

The blade is black coated and I don’t know the Rockwell hardness.  If I had to guess I would suspect it’s in the 56 to 58 range.  It’s not a bad steel for an everyday carry knife.  But it’s the handle that’s so interesting.

The 3.75 inch handle is aluminum with a pocket clip set up for tip up carry but you might be able to find someone who could drill and tap the metal in another position if you wanted it bad enough.  The really interesting aspect of the handle is its coating.

The small white particles are at different depths in the clear handle material

The casual examination shows a waffle like surface pattern.  I suspect it’s a big part of the color change.  Let’s get up close and personal.

The particles have different thickness, shape and orientation in the handle material, the depressions helps insure the particles are at different tilt angles

The coating on the knife has little whitish flakes of material in random directions and depth.  If we move in even closer we can see the flakes.  They look like defoliated mica to me.  

There is a surface treatment used on pigments called ITT.  It stands for a chemical, specifically Isopropyl Titanium Triisostearate.  Minerals can be reacted with compounds like ITT which allow the surface to refract light like an oil slick on water.  Oil slick colors (no, don’t worry, I’m not going to draw charts and write equations as much as I would find that fun) are formed by the very thin layers of oil refracting specific colors of light.  The organic coating formed by ITT works the same way.  Add the cone-like depressions from the waffle pattern and you get color. 

Does it work?  The difference in colors is significant in terms of when the colors are in the spectrum.  The knife handle would be more impressive if the colors lived next to each other like yellow and green.  

The Schrade Color Shift Knife at one angle 

                                                      and 

The same knife at a different angle

Still, if you want a flashy knife for EDC, look into the Shrade Color Shift (SCH106ALC).  I understand an assisted opening is now available.

Knife Expo

I'm flogging WRCA's Warther Memorial Knife Expo pretty hard for a variety of reasons.

One: I liked Dale Warther.  I didn't know him as well as some club members did, but I was always happy to see him.

Two: It's a good knife show.  I'd like to see more custom builders, but we're working on that and have asked several new ones to attend.  This show will give collectors a chance to see some really great knives.

Three: A number of club members think the club will fall flat on it's collective face.  We've had trouble with the last couple of places and we are trying to find a permanent home.  Everything is expensive as compared to times when gasoline was a $1.25 a gallion.  This location is no exception.

The knife show will be May 16 and 17 at the Buckeye Expo center in Dalton, Ohio just off of route 30.  Admission is $5 per person but we'll wave the fee for scouts and military in uniform.

 I suspect you'll find just about any kind of knife you're interested in at the show.

We are also running a great raffle with prizes over $1000.  Second price is a ZT 350STTS AND a Benchmade 531 Pardue AXIS.  I sell Benchmade and I can't get this one!

Here's the raffle flyer and I hope to see you there!!!

If i win first prize, I'll offer to trade with the second prize winner!!

Knife Expo Raffle Prizes

The 2015 Dale Warther Memorial Knife Expo is coming on strong.  We just found out what the raffle prizes will be:

• 1^St place: Randall Combat Companion
• 2^nd place: 2 knives, a ZT 0350STTS and a Benchmade 531 Pardue Axis
• 3^rd place: Warther Kitchen Knife set with block.
• 4^th place: knife roll

This is over a $1000 in prizes but  you can't win if you don't buy a ticket or three.  I’m going buy a dozen tickets myself!!!

The Expo is May 16 and 17 and admission is just $5 at the Buckeye Expo Center in Dalton, Ohio.  It’s just off route 30. 

We still have tables left for makers, sellers and collectors.

Contact Darlene at darlene5674@att.net or check my page  for copies of the registration form.

Television Knives

Crime drama and knives, they are like bacon and eggs.  Seldom do you find one and not the other.  If you’re a police/CSI/crime show fan, it’s not too unusual to recognize one or another.  “Burn Notice” almost always featured a knife of the month.

Many shows solicit props from many companies.  Did you note the new auto sampler on the duex ex machina that solves the problem for the good guys?  They didn’t buy it, they asked if they could borrow one from some scientific instrument maker.  

I especially love that orange column Zeiss Transmission Electron Microscope in the back of Dexter’s lab.  I know what I use a TEM for, but what a blood splatter analysis does with it, that beats me.  I’ve seen it in other crime labs since Dexter is off the air.  I wonder if shows fight over who gets to use it next?

Spyderco usually provides knives for the movies, but they request the knife is used by a good guy.  That doesn’t seem to happen and Dr. Lector ends with the knife in the shadows.  It appears other companies also provide knives.

Last week I found an Emerson CQC-8, I believe, in the hands of a killer on CSI-Las Vegas (Under My Skin).  The Emerson wave was very obvious.  I’m not sure having a killer use your products translate into sales.  Did “Dexter” generate increase sales in Saran Wrap and duct tape?

A little later I caught an episode of NCIS: New Orleans in which wound measurements identified the murder weapon as a “Benchmade steel knife.” That must be an amazing database.  I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of calculations and measurements you would need to identify the knife brand based solely on cuts in elastic flesh

So, I also got out my Benchmade catalog, and discovered, all their blades are made from steel.   It’s good to know they don’t makes blades out of glass or ice.  I might order the wrong type.

Ivory

If you have been following the news on the ivory ban you know people are polarized on the subject of ivory.

One side claims elephants are being slaughtered left and right for their tusks and ivory should be banned from the US markets.  The other side claims we should protect the elephant by assisting the countries who are attempting to stem the poaching.  This side also claims the vast, vast majority of ivory, legal and illegal, is sold to the Far East and China.

700 African elephant tusk seized by Malaysian authorities on their way to China

The politics and enforcement of stopping ivory poaching by making ivory illegal are convoluted and difficult.  One small example is teeth from the sperm whale.  These cone shaped teeth are prized for their value in scrimshaw.  By 1988 civilized nations stopped hunting the endangered sperm whales.

So to protect these whales, scrimshaw art drawn in the 1800s and 1900s on teeth from whales killed then are taken from their owners and destroyed.  No rational explanation seems forth coming on how this helps whales in 2015.

This same approach is applied to ivory.  The USFWS (US Fish and Wildlife Service) has moved to block the sale and when possible, effect the confiscation of ivory.  Your problem is you have to prove your ivory isn’t elephant and wasn’t collected since the US ban on elephant ivory in 1986.

USFWS and their agents simply assumed it is illegal elephant ivory and will take your property as well as anything else you might have.

Since my original posting in June 2014

USFWS has had its funding for this search and destroy mission blocked.  So states are jumping on the bandwagon.  I suspect politicians realize the relatively small number of ivory collectors, knife makers, musicians, and scrimshaw artists and the wealth of their pocketbooks make them vulnerable.  After all the few votes politicians lose are nothing compared to the votes and publicity they gain by taking an meaningless anti-poaching stand.   States like New York and New Jersey have these politicians and frankly, they don’t care about the people in their state.  California, Iowa, Washington, and Connecticut are introducing these bills.

So it comes as no surprise that a 72-year old woman was arrested in New York for trying to sell a necklace containing mammoth ivory at an antique show.  

You should realize that all mammoths were extinct long before our country was founded. 

I have an old walking stick that was owned by my wife’s grandfather.  He came over third class from the old country to make a better life for himself.  My mother-in-law describes him as “a sport.”  So it’s not surprising there are several quarter inch-square chips of ivory forming a collar set in the dark wood.

If the government has its way, I’ll never be able to sell that stick or quite possibly give it away.  I don’t have any ivory handled knives, but I do have several white bone knives.  Will I have to prove, someday, after they are confiscated that they are not ivory?

I urge you to contact your representatives, both federal and state, and urge them not to support the ban on ivory trade.  Urge them to support laws that protect legally owned ivory.

I once read that the slippery slope argument was a logical falsity.  Maybe at the debate contest, but to people working in the actual world it’s a truth.  Don’t let political bureaucrats and politicians push you down the ivory slopes.

Cut Up

How about it? 

 A nice knife massage will straighten you out.  I know people that could use a nice knife massage.  I bet you do too!

Knife Massage Training Class?????

While you could get one in New York City or Detroit the one I have in mind is best found in Taiwan.  They get repeat customers!

http://www.latimes.com/world/asia/la-fg-taiwan-knife-massage-20150212-story.html

S&W vs Benchmade

Sounds like a mismatch, doesn’t it?  S&W knives are made by Taylor Brands, makers of flashlights, Uncle Henry and other products.  Benchmade makes, well, they make really good knives. 

Let me introduce our two challengers, S&W MP1600 an auto knife and Benchmades AFO II Auto.

Out of the box, each knife looks different, and the differences are more than skin deep.  The S&W has a relatively smooth, graceful black handle with a sliding lock next to the opening button.  The button itself is fully exposed on the handle.  There is no jimping to increase the friction between handle and hand.  The front bolster offers scant protection to prevent your hand from sliding forward onto the blade.   This may not be a big concern to you.   If your perceived use is cutting fir sticks, butchering a rabbit, opening cardboard boxes this handle will have no surprises in store for you.

An S&W automatic knife.  The safety is right next to the opening button.

 But if you envision needing to cut a coconut open, making a violent, full power stab into something with hard spots, as well as open your mail, this knife may bite you back.

The AFO II has a dull black surface that feels gritty.  For me, it’s like running my nail over a chalkboard.  Jimping on top and bottom of the handle tip and tail provide additional friction surfaces.  The lines of the handle aren’t as smooth or flowing and a swelling at the bolster helps keep your hand away from the knife edge.  This knife also sports a metal glass breaker tip.  The lock is on the spine 90 degrees away from the opening button.

Benchmade's AFO II   Jimping provides extra friction surfaces.  Glass breaker is small and not painful if you accidently palm it.

The AFO II clip is interchangeable to four positions, including the button side.  In the tip down position the knife rides high in your pocket.  Move the clip to my favorite position, tip up, and the knife rides a little lower in the pocket.

The S&W clip can be removed, but it’s drilled and tapped only for right side tip up.  It lets the knife ride low in your pocket, virtually unnoticed to the casual observer.

Lets looks at the numbers!

Feature	S&W 1600	AFO II
Open length	8.2 in	8.5
Blade length	3.7 in	3.6
Blade Steel	S30V	154CM
Blade Thickness	0.134 inch	0.123
hardness	?????	58-61 HRC
Handle	Aluminum	Aluminum
Weight	5.8 ounces	4.8 ounces
Price	$160	$245
Made in	USA	USA

All and all pretty even except for price.  The big surprise was the S30V steel in the S&W.  Almost as big of a surprise was the differences in spring tension.

Any automatic knife that doesn’t have enough spring to push the blade to the locked position is a pretty sad knife.  The auto’s only reason to exist is to propel the blade to the lock position, otherwise you have an ordinary one handed opener.  But what if something momentarily stops or blocks the blade from reaching the full open position?

One of two things can happen depending on the spring.  The spring has enough strength to kick the blade into the lock position or the blade just dangles until you add a flip with your wrist.  I don’t have scale or a testing device that can measure spring strength, but let’s look at it from another way.  How much do I have to cock the blade so if I release it from that position, the blade will return to the locked open position?

For the S&W, about 110 degrees from full open.

For the AFO II I couldn’t find any blade position that did not return the blade to the full open locked position.

In other words, the AFO II will always open, even if the blade meets obstructions as soon as the blade clears the obstruction.

The S&W, not so much.  If the blade is stopped in the first 80 degrees of opening, it should finish opening.  Be prepared to wrist flip it open in another position.

The other big difference is the safety.  The safety on the S&W locks the blade closed.  It can’t be bumped off and the blade can open.  The safety doesn’t do anything in the open position.  The AFO II safety will lock the blade open or closed.  When the safety is on, that blade isn’t moving from its open or closed position.

Both knives are available in tanto and drop point as either serrated or plain edge.  And both have a lanyard hole if you chose to use that.

Since neither knife belongs to me I can’t test the edge.  But I have always found that other Benchmade knives cut better and retain an edge longer than their significantly less expensive S&W brothers.  But with the use of a high end steel, S30V, that might no longer be true.

Who wins?

One important lesson to remember is, function should define form.  In a combat role were self-defense is the card that trumps all others, I would go with the AFO II.  It has a heaver spring that, in my limited tests, always opens.  The lock is smaller and on the spine but I would feel more comfortable carrying the knife in a pocket or tucked in my waistband.  The shape of the handle and it’s surface finish will help you keep your grip.

The large and easy to find safety and the highly exposed button on the S&W would make me uncomfortable throwing myself down behind cover or fighting in small confined area.

However, there is an $80 dollar difference.  If your world consists of relaxed fit pants, gathering at the barbecue to swap lies, and the most stressful situation you think you’ll be in is pulling the guideline of a tent with one hand and cutting the rope with the other, the S&W 1600 could be the right knife.

I very much liked the Benchmade AFO II over the S&W.  But don’t be fooled by this statements.  If you somehow slipped me an S&W 1600 when the fecal material hit the impeller, I would be very grateful!

My Side of the Table

It was an interesting knife gun show this month.  I typically only do one show a month because weekends are so valuable.

Saturday at Medina was packed.  At one point all the parking spaces on pavement were filled and only the brave with 4-wheel drive parked in the soupy, muddy fields surrounding the area.

I’m always amazed by the people that pickup a knife, study it, then announce it’s exactly what they are looking for, only to put it down and walk away without another word.  If it is exactly what you want, why are you…?  I guess people simply don’t know how to say thanks and put the knife down.

I have found a way to deal with that species of shopper, the Common Flicker.  You’ve seen them, maybe you are one. 

They pick up a knife and flick it open and flick it open and flick it open endlessly.  I wonder if we let them, if they would still stand there forever caught in an endless cycle of flick-close, flick-close.  A distant cousin also tries to see if the blade wiggles in the frame after four or five clicks.  In either case this cycle will be repeated.

When I observe this behavior, I state that they really seem to like that knife.  I usually get an agreement to that statement, so I simply ask them if I can wrap it up for them.  That pretty much halts the behavior and causes them to vacate the area around my table.  Several left so quickly, a thunder clap occurred when air rushed in to fill the space they had previously occupied.

Look, I don’t care what kind of torture test you want to carry out on your knife, but until you buy it, they are my knives and you can’t treat my property with disrespect.

Sunday the really interesting buyers came out.  A father stopped by with his 10 (?)-year old daughter who likes to throw knives.  They have a target set up for her in the backyard and it’s reported she pretty good at it.  Should be interesting when she starts to date and the boy gets a little too handsy.  I wonder if she’ll give him a head start.  She also collects knives, but she’s a little shy and doesn’t like to handle them.  She saw several she liked, but turned down dad’s offer to buy her one when she found out they were liner locks.  She doesn’t like to close the knife around her fingers.

Later we were treated to couple of women who looked at several knives but wanted to shop around a bit.  When they came back we got treated to about a half hour of lesbian drama.  One woman could not decide which of the two knives she wanted.  I wasn’t about tell her which to buy; it’s much too much a personal decision.  Her partner tried to empower her to buy one or the other or both.  Sadly, I knew after the first 5 minutes this sale was going nowhere and it did.  At least it was entertaining.

Frankly, I liked the two women, they seemed very nice.  In earlier times they would have been described as “sharing the same pillow.”  Sounds romantic to me.

Later we had an elderly man walk up to the table.  He wordlessly picked up a Spyderco Tenacious and studied in great detail.  After several moments of complete silence, he took out a magnifying glass and studied it even more! 

Finally he put the glass away, put the knife down, pivoted on his heel and walked away, mission complete.  I still don’t know what was going on. 

The Tenacious is made by Spyderco in China.  I have always thought their byrd line was a practice run at making quality products in China.  If they had been unable to do it with byrd, they would have, in my opinion, dropped the line and went else in search of cheaper labor.

Later we had a fellow ask try to negotiate a $17 knife down to a $15 knife.  I said no, but he bought it anyway.  

Trust me, it's worth $17... period.

Many people see gun or knife shows as a flea market or mid-eastern bazaar and want to negotiate.  I can’t blame them, money is still tight.  But after listening to him tell the table next to me how much money he makes, I wasn’t too sympathetic to his attempt to negotiate less money in my pocket. 

Sunday was winding down, when the peace was broken with a loud “BANG!” and everyone’s thoughts turned to the accidental shooting we had little over a year ago.  I didn’t think it was a gunshot as the sound wasn’t sharp enough, but the place still got very quiet.  

I walked over when it appeared that nothing significant had happened.  I didn’t smell gun or flash powder, but it was announced that someone with a nasty sense of humor set off some kind of firework.  They also warned that if they found out whom it was the police would arrest him.

In any case it was an interesting week-end!

Collecting

The WRCA had their January 2015 monthly meeting recently.  We’re moving closer to the big Expo Knife Show May 16 and 17 at the Buckeye Event Center.  We still have tables available.  See my side pages for an application for table rental.  An 8 foot table for two days for $50 is a great deal.

It will be a great opportunity to buy as well.  We’ll have factory, custom and collectable vendors displaying their knives.

Each club meeting is also an opportunity to buy/sell/trade knives.  In the past, the club has bought estate collections and resold them and we currently have a retired club member in Arizona who wants us to sell his knives for him at a set commission.  That brought up an interesting topic.  Namely buying and selling collections, or at least the ethics of buying and selling collections.

Here’s the scenario:  A club member dies and leaves their spouse with an unwanted knife collection of unknown value.   You respond to information that they want to sell the entire collection and you make them a fair and honest offer for the entire collection.  They accept.

Later you sell the collection for a lot more money.  I mean 2 and 3 or more times what you paid for it.

So what do you think is the ethical thing to do.

During the discussion we found out some people felt we hypothetically cheated that seller, we should have paid them more.  Others thought that because we made so much money we should give some of it to the seller.  Things got a little excited for a while, but no chairs were thrown!

Part of this, I think, was because each member is internalizing their passing and the sale of their collection by their surviving spouse.  We all want to think our fellow club members wouldn’t take advantage of our widow (it’s a mostly male club).  Widows always remind me a of thin, gaunt women dressed in black unable to pay the bills.

Of course, our imaginary spouse might be sitting on a beach sipping mimosas because hubby left her well off and she wants nothing to do with her dead husband’s collection.  Before you showed up, she was 10 minutes from dumping the whole damn thing in the trash!

There is a second side to this story.  What if it turns out the collection isn’t worth the money you paid for it?  What do you do?  Do you go back to the widow and tell her she cheated you and you want some of your money back?  Is your name Simon Legree?

Here’s part of the dilemma, ethical behavior isn’t the same as moral behavior.  That seems odd, doesn’t it?  A professor of ethics once explained to me that ethical behavior wasn’t difficult.   

“Say what you mean, do what you say you’ll do and treat everyone the same.”  Of course the details are what makes ethics a challenging topic.

Since I will not be going back to the widow and asking for money back, I will not be sending her more money either.  There is nothing wrong with making money, especially in an honest, ethical manner.

Of course that all changes if I had agreed to sell the knives for her at some percentage to myself.  But that’s a different premise. 

I’d like to suggest that most of us think our collections are worth more than they are.  I know an elderly fellow who collected stamps.  He had maybe a million stamps counting canceled and first day of issue.  The collection was only worth the value of the relatively few uncanceled stamps he had.  First day of issue, not worth the paper they were printed on.  Canceled stamps, a drag on the market.  Foreign stamps, not much interest.  

If you want your collection to increase in value you need to buy things already valuable.  Even that depends on what people want to buy when you’re selling.  Ditch the beanie babies now.

If you think your collection is valuable, hire someone who makes a living at it and get an appraisal.  Document the knives and the purchase history.  Don’t attempt to appraise your collection yourself, as this activity is self deluding.  Don’t be too surprised if your WWII British Navy issue lifeboat knife collection isn’t as valuable as you thought.

One last thought experiment.  Imagine you are sorting though a tray of old foreign coins marked 25 cents each.  You find, because of your specialized knowledge and training, a rare Icelandic Krona worth significantly more to the right collector.  You:
A Buy it and resell it,
B Tell the owner and convince him to charge more for it,
C Walk away empty-handed and say nothing,
D “Look!  It’s Elvis!”  and steal the coin when he looks away. 

Why would buying a knife collection be different?

We also got to see the 2015 WRCA Expo knife.  It’s a Victorinox Sentinel.  And it’s a left-handed knife!  

2015 WRCA Expo Knife (hasn't been blade etched yet)

The serrations are on the front half of the stainless steel blade and located on the right side of the blade.  The knife can be easily opened with either hand, but one-handed closing works best with the left hand.

I want one.  I don’t care if the blade is etched or not.  It’s very cool, but I don’t see any real potential increase in value over the years.  So that’s one less worry my estate has!

Adventures in God's Waiting Room Part 3

Time.

Different cultures have drastically different concepts of time.

Many Native Americans have trouble adjusting to the dominant live-by-the clock society we live in.  For some, work starts when everyone is ready and finishes when it proper to be done.  We laugh at our neighbors to the south about their manana approach to work. 

But let’s not get too smug about our sense of time.  Admiral Gallery writes of being stationed in Iceland running aerial anti-sub patrols in the north Atlantic during WWII using a three-day calendar.
  
The three days?  Yesterday, today and tomorrow, of course.  He claims this worked so well they had to assign a yeoman the job of keeping track of the actual calendar date for official paperwork.

So this trip I learned about Dad’s time.
Dad: “Let’s go out to breakfast tomorrow.”
Me: “Great!  What time do you want to go?”  (I’m hoping for 8:30ish)
D: “How about 10:30?”
M: “That’s a little late, Dad.”
D: “Well, I want to sleep in a little.”
The phone rings at 8:30 the next morning.  I’ve slept in and I had to fumble for the cell phone.
Dad:  “Where are you?”
M: “I’m on the third hole of the Greenbrier golf course putting for a double birdie.”
D: “I thought we were going for breakfast?”
M: “We are.  You said 10:30.  It’s 8:30 now.”
D: “Well I got up at 6 and I thought you might be ready to go.”
That’s how I found out about dad time and I understand it’s a condition chronic to retirees.

The trip is over and I’m soon heading home.  I’ve got to admit I’m not looking forward to the drive.  I’m especially not looking forward to Ohio cold either.

These are my feet on Jan 3.  What did yours look like?

People in Florida love to boast about the nice winter weather.  “December was a bitch,” they say.  “The average high was only 65 and partly sunny.  Why at night it got down to 51 degrees!!” 

Of course, I like ask them about May, June, July, and August. 

 “We get used to the heat.” I’m told.  “Really? I respond.  “Then why do you all have air conditioning?.”  “Well,” they reply.  “We don’t like the excess sun. So we stay in during the day.”

Traveling down to Florida I did notice some states and counties have different ideas about roadside bill board signs.  Ohio has relatively few of these giant skyscraping advertisements.  Still, Ohio is not as bad as some.  In California I noticed a lot of advertisements for breast enhancement and lawyers for help you with your botched boob job.  In Florida it’s all about senior living and lawyers who help you with your botched medical procedure.

The Florida biosphere is really different.  The birds and palm trees are wonderful but I’m just crazy about the little lizards that live everywhere. 

The Florida sun bringer?

I had developed a theory that lizards cause sunshine.  Yes, it could be true, because every time I saw these guys, it was sunny.  But then again I might have it backward.

My wife and her flock

I was enjoying the view by the pond and a flock of birds found me in their constant search for a hand-out.  Of all the white plumed birds, one bird was clearly a rebel.  While I was observing the lone non-conformist rebel, a woman stopped in her car to talk with me.

Rebel punk bird!

  As I explained before, the residents are very much interested in who you are.  Residents wear badges with their name on it.  But visitors remain completely anonymous.  Security appears to be almost non-existent and anyone could walk in and enjoy the coffee and continental breakfast, stroll around the pond or take books out of the honor system video and book library. 

This time the conversation went from the polite ‘Are you visiting someone?’ and “How long are you staying?’ to the third degree.

When she got to  “Where were you born?” I had decided I had enough.  Either this woman needed to pull a badge or find someone else to practice water boarding on.

“Where was I born?”  I repeated.   “In a hospital….Because I wanted to be near my mother.”  And I went back to Hammett’s “The Thin Man.”

The trip home was long and greatly helped by the book tape we were listening to.  I don’t remember the title, but it involved lost love regained, trains, snow storms, Hollywood directors and thievery.  All and all a very satisfactory listen.

The only real bump in the road was a fill up at the WV-Ohio state line.  The pump indicated I had to see the inside clerk if I wanted a receipt.  I believe these non-available receipts are a scam with the goal of getting you in the store and confronting you with items you neither want nor need, but must have because you don’t have one.  I got in line at the register.   I had to wait for Bubba in front of me.

Bubba: “Got any vapor refills?”  I assume he was asking about the e-cigarettes.
Clerk: “Yeah, I got Red and Blue.”  
B: “What size?”  Apparently Bubba knew what red and blue tasted like.
C: “Don’t know.  I’ll check.”  She walks over to a plexiglass case, opens it and studies the contents like it would be the final question on judgment day.  Comes back and announces “I got big and small.”  
B: “How much?”
C:  I don’t know.  I’ll have to check.” She repeats the size performance.

While this is going on I’m thinking “Please, please, pleasepleaseplease finish!  I just need a receipt from pump 7 and I can be gone!”

C: “Well, the big is 9 bucks and the small 7,”  Bubba had to think about it and check his wallet.  
B: “I take the small.  Oh, I want a lottery ticket too!”

Here’s a hint.  If you have to debate the 7 dollar addiction compared to the 9 dollar addiction, you can't afford lottery tickets.

Twenty minutes later I’m back on the road thinking if I could show the security tape to a jury, they would never convict me.

After I’m home I call my dad to let him know we are safe and no longer on the road.  The conversation ends with…

Dad:  “I’m glad you’re safe.  Boy, I really miss you two!”

How incredibly sweet!  It was an expensive trip, took a lot of time and involved hard work to get everything organized, packed and ready to go.  We spend a lot of hours behind the wheel to travel about 2400 miles.  Suddenly all the work and effort seems so light and easy.

Me:  “Well, thank you, Dad.  We miss you too!”
Dad:  “Yeah, I don’t have anyone to play cards with now.”

Part One